What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is one of the most heavily researched therapy modalities commonly used in couples counseling. Originally developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT finds its roots in attachment theory and the idea that human beings are created for close, secure connections with the people who matter to them. In the context of couples counseling, therapists who use EFT believe that arguments about parenting, household chores, finances, and in-laws typically point to deeper unspoken fears related to disconnection, loneliness, and rejection.
“Do I matter to you? Can I count on you to show up for me when I need you?”
These underlying questions often drive the frustration that amounts when your partner once again ignores the pile of dishes waiting to be cleaned, or when your partner “sides” with their family in a disagreement. As an EFT therapist, I work with couples to unpack the emotional cycle that’s driving the seemingly perpetual disconnection you and your partner find yourselves stuck in, while helping you both see that neither of you are truly the enemy; rather, this negative cycle is the enemy. After this, we work toward diving underneath the frustration and resentment to find softer, more vulnerable emotions such as hurt, loneliness, and fear. Relating at this level helps you and your partner respond to each other’s vulnerabilities with less defensiveness and more empathy and care. We will work together to learn how to offer each other more nurturing responses while becoming more sensitive to the core fears and unmet needs that tend to drive your negative emotional cycle. Finally, as we approach the end of our time together, we will work to integrate these newly learned ways of relating into your daily lives.
If you find yourself relating to any of the dynamics I’ve mentioned above, or you and your partner have decided it’s finally time to find help and support for your relationship, I would be honored to join you on your journey. My previous work has included helping high-conflict couples, partners dealing with infidelity, and blended families pursue deeper understanding and connection while becoming more aware of their own underlying needs that are driving the emotional cycle in their relationships. If you are interested in pursuing couples counseling, you can reach me at carolina@steadyhavenkc.com or call/text me at 913-229-5987. You can also click the button below to book a session directly through my online portal: